wasting time...

13fingers @ 2009-11-05T09:04:00

2009-11-05T17:07:49Z

David posted a sweet sweet mix he did of all old school jungle tunes on our blog. It's pretty rockin if you're into the old pitched amen, horns, and ragga samples. I for one am into that shit like all get out. Check it.

SWANNIN' ABOUT MIX

13fingers @ 2009-11-04T06:58:00

2009-11-04T15:08:16Z

I'm still at DR.
I've learned to live with it.
I'm busy as hell there.
Don Swan finally launched. www.thedonswan.com
my mom is coming this weekend.
I'm looking forward to it.
She'll get to see where we live.
The trip to see Q was awesome.
I miss her even though she's technically closer to me now.
Our house is a mess.
It's a lot of same old same old.
I sort of wish I was done with DR right now.
My CT scan the other day went okay.
They don't think I need surgery.
Gotta go back to the doc in Dec.
Gotta see another doc pretty soon to find out about my heart rate.
I didn't do anything for Halloween.
I bought DJ Hero and it's fun.
I think people who take games like that too seriously are weird.
It's a game. Not a simulator.
I get rides to work from my lovely girlfriend every morning.
It makes my time at DR more bearable.
I've been hopping cabs a lot lately.
A bad thing when i know I should be walking.
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I'm nervous about my mom meeting Maria's family.
I worry they will have nothing to talk about.
Or it will be awkward.
I know they will be nice to each other.
But as far as related and speaking.
That scares me.
They might not have anything to talk about.
I've been taking Flonase.
The doc said it would help with my chest congestion.
I dont think it's making much of a difference.
I should post more but I don't.
Facebook rules all now.
I suppose.
Short and concise and not at all as engaging as LJ.
I'm glad people I know still post here.
I troll heretoo much and dont comment or post.
I'm sure I'll mention that again 6 months from now when I post again.

13fingers @ 2009-10-03T11:08:00

2009-10-03T18:20:15Z

I remember once when I was a kid, maybe around 6 or 7 My family and my aunts family went out to pick raspberries in a field near our house. We all had a bowl and we picked for a certain amount of time and all had a good time. I remember my cousin picked more than me and I was a little jealous. I can't quite remember if she was gloating or not but I do remember getting very angry and picking up a handful of dirt and dashing it into her bowl and covering her raspberries. She started crying and ran to her mom to tell on me. I don't remember getting into trouble. I probably got scolded for ruining her raspberries. (in hindsight you could have just washed them off and they would have been okay) But I was mad that she had done something better than me.

Sometimes I feel like that moment replays itself over and over in my life. Whenever someone excels at something I spend more time feeling resentful and bitter about it than anything else. I'm good at things and I'm sure as hell better at some things than a lot of other people. I'm not sure why I got so weird about someone being better than me at something. I get defensive and resentful and hateful, not to any point where I might harm them or anything. But the thoughts in my head aren't positive. As I'm older now the thoughts are usually self-critical, "whats the matter with me?", "why can't I do things like that?" "I'm no good"

It's a weird way to think. Maybe if I could get passed that I could excel at things myself. Or at the very least do better at the things I'm good at.

rumpus room.

2009-10-02T14:06:05Z

I remember when I was a little kid. I hated it when people would grab me by the arm and drag me along, running. They usually wanted to show me something fun or exciting.I could never run fast enough it seemed and I always ended up tripping and falling. Sometimes I would try and keep up but I always would kind of get scared and try and wrestle my hand from theirs and let go so that I wouldn't stumble and fall.

Sometimes I feel like I am being drug along by life, by the hand. Sometimes I feel like my legs can only go so fast and I can't keep up. Sometimes I wish I could wrench my hand away. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of tripping and stumbling all the time. Sometimes I wonder how I've managed to keep up this long.

13fingers @ 2009-09-28T12:11:00

2009-09-28T19:21:33Z

I remember a long time ago when Juan moved here. He would go on and on about how much he missed his friends and his home. He talked about how much he hated the places where I grew up. After a while he seemed to settle into things and didn't talk like that so much. When it came time for him to move again he talked about how happy he w as to be getting out of Lynden. I remember it hurting me inside. Not so much because he was ragging on Lynden but it felt like he was ragging on the time spent in Lynden. The time spent that I held fairly dear to me. It felt like he didn't care about any of it and in turn he didn't care about me.

I'm not sure why I take things like that so personally. Or maybe I do. It hurts to hear someone more concerned with forgetting they ever spent time somewhere. It dumps all over a personal memory. It's happening again. It makes me sad to hear Q say she wishes she never moved back. At the same time it make me sad to hear Chris saying some of the same things. It makes happy moments feel insignificant.

I hope I've never done that. I probably have though. I've probably dumped all over someones heartfelt and dear memory without a second thought. I know that if I've done it was nothing personal. But I'm sure someone probably took it personally. To all those people whos memories and moments I've shit all over, I apologize. I was probably worked up or not thinking.

mmm...sprinkles

2009-09-07T19:00:42Z

Since I'm working in an office at the moment I can bask in the glory of a long weekend. We went to Jarred and Ami's wedding yesterday. We had a good time. I wondered if any other DR people would be there. But come to find out noone else was invited. I feel a little honored because of that. Honored because even though we don't spend a ton of time with Jarred and Ami they were thoughtful enough to invite us to their wedding. It ended up being sort of a small shindig so that made it feel a little more special.

Shot the shit with some friends of Ami. Had some good dinner and got myself so insanely stuffed. I wanted to drink a few more drinks but could barely move. Fortunately and unfortunately they only served prime rib. Good for me. Bad for Maria. She ended up eating the potatoes and veggies and left the meat to sit. If we weren't staying forever I would have saved it. They had a cake shaped like a giant simpsons donut for the grooms cake. It was pretty tastey. All in all is a good wedding/reception. Standard issue dance tunes and everyone having a great time.

Other than that I made through another week at DR. I felt horrible this week. Not sure if I had some weird bug or something but I felt ultra congested and really out of it. I'm feeling a lot better this weekend though. Which is nice cause with the stress of work and not feeling well I was pretty to pitch myself off a bridge or something.

For today we're going to place where you grill your own meat that Gabe and Virginia won't shut up about. I know Gabe wants to go cause well...it involves meat. I hope Maria is able to find something to eat there. I also hope it isn't to expensive. Maybe i'll check Yelp to see what peoople have to say.

shenanigoats

2009-09-02T14:46:31Z

how come I never really knew about a moble version of livejournal?

DR is keepin me busy with stuff im finding pretty tedious and un engaging. its good pay though. wish I could say more than that.

I feel like a lazy sack a bones all the time these days. motivation at an all time low. how do I get outta this? it'll be the death of me. who knows maybe ill be too lazy to die.

I haven't been walkin to DR, maria has been gracious enough to drop me off. I know the walk would do me good. but the convenience of getting there quickly and unsweatily is nice. plus motivating oneself to walk somewhere they don't really want to go to is tough.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

13fingers @ 2009-08-16T11:42:00

2009-08-16T18:59:34Z

a fairly relaxing weekend away from our. Maria's parents left for the week so we took over their place for the weekend. had a fine barbecue last night with lamb and steak and zucchini and brownies and corn and goodness.

Not looking forward to going back to work on Monday. Being back at DR has been okay. Definitely as bad as I thought it would be. I never really had a problem with any of the people there I realize. I guess it's just not the work atmosphere I desire.

Things have changed some since I left. New faces there and some old faces gone. Such a weird revolving door. I wonder if it's like that at other places like that. Who knows. I did a lot of "hi how ya doin" and "good to see you"s It's been sort of nice to be in a work atmosphere though, even though the work is pretty boring. It's been nice talking to people and being out somewhere. I get so caught up in just staying at home because I don't figure I have any place to go.

The work as I mentioned leaves a lot to be desired. It's pretty simple stuff. Really simple stuff actually. And is a little tedious. It's not like they called me in for my expertise in copying and pasting copyright text from one illustrator file to another. It's work though and they are giving me a decent wage now. Funny to think if they had kept me on they could probably have had this work done already and would have done it at a cheaper price.

David made a remark the other night that he wouldn't be surprised if they offered me a job. I thought about that for a second. I'm not sure if they would. But after thinking about it I really don't think I'd go back, if they did. The people are nice, but all the nice people in the world couldn't make some of that design work appealing to me. I don't think working in a business to business based design firm that seems to be focusing on their own software sales is my sort of place.

When I first was going to go back. I felt like I was weak or had been defeated in some way. I dont really feel that way anymore. I realize now more that DR isn't the right place for me and thats why it makes me feel so strange to be back there. I'm not the right fit. Sure I can do the work but it doesn't excite me. When I got let go I took it as I wasn't good enough to work there. My skills were always very good working there. It's just not my place that's all.

It definitely makes me want to get Don Swan up and running now that I'm sitting at DR. I feel like I've squandered some free time. Which I have. The job is only for a few weeks though so I can get back to Don Swan as soon as I'm done there.

13fingers @ 2009-08-13T16:41:00

2009-08-13T23:43:57Z

at design reactor.

things are tedious here. they've changed even in the short time i've been gone. I'm doing some random tedious stuff. Adding text and what not to documents. It's production. On the upside. I'm getting paid twice what I was before. VIVA LIFE!

13fingers @ 2009-08-06T23:32:00

2009-08-07T06:35:37Z

sigh...

might do some contract work for DR...

I really need the money right now...

I wish the case were differennt. But the motivated beginning of summer is dribbling away to the reality that I'm poor, Don Swan is moving as slow as I let it and unemployment runs out soon.

Reality sucks.

If I were a different person I'd probably be doing my best to ignore it with booze or drugs...

But I'm me. And I'll sit here in a catatonic state looking at whats ahead.

sad.

2009-07-17T18:21:25Z

I've backed off talking to Q. I don't know what I could do to remedy the situation. She says she's still upset. I know how if I tried to talk to her right now I'd just push her away more. She'd run and hide like a tiny woodland creature.

As time keeps passing I feel like she's forgetting me. She's got people she can turn to. I feel like she doesn't need me anymore. I'm not involved in her life on a day to day basis. If she wanted to close the door on me I don't think it wouldn't make much of an impact in her life. She's got friends who support her and people she can share ideas and thoughts with. I feel like I've become a faceless messanger on the internet that offers her advice she doesn't want to hear and keeps in contact with people she doesn't like. If you looked at it like that why would you want to talk to that.

I guess it's had such an impact on me since I have don't know many people here. And of any of the people that I might know I have no rapport with them. In the time that we've not been talking I feel the effects of not having a friendly outlet to talk to like we did. Some might say, "just go meet some people" It's rare to find a good friend like Q. So to say that I could just find someone to replace a friend like that would be laughable. Even of the friends I have the back and forth that we have is rare. I'm not sure what I would do if she were to close the door on me because of this. The thought that this could be the end makes me sad.

I want to be able to work this out. I don't want to lose my friend. I'm not going to push her though. I'm here if she wants to talk to me. I'll always be here.

13fingers @ 2009-07-12T02:06:00

2009-07-12T09:06:59Z

escape IS whats on my mind.

13fingers @ 2009-07-11T11:22:00

2009-07-12T00:04:16Z

I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been thinking a lot about truth. I've been thinking about how we go about our days placating each other with what we like to call the truth. But when an actual truth is thrown into our faces a lot of us tend to reel back in reactions not becoming of us. I've been thinking about how I feel quite hypocritical at times because as much as I try to "tell it like it is" I know that when the same is done to me my reactions are pretty juvenile.

What gets to me is how often we delude ourselves into thinking that we tell the truth and accept the truth. What also gets to me is the fact that I feel like most of the time the people you would expect to be the most honest and open with you are the ones that will probably sugar coat things the most. The way I see it is those closest to you have too much invested in a relationship with you and a poor reaction to real honesty, on your part, could bring that to a screeching halt. So we go around telling half truths, we go around telling people the things they want to hear, and we outright lie.

I feel like I've tried to be as honest as I can about the situation with Chris and Erin. I also feel like I've tried to stay as impartial as I can about the whole thing. Have I withheld an honest thought from either party just to be supportive? yes. Why? Because they are close friends and I feel like if I told either of them what was on my mind I would ruin that relationship forever.

I guess I've been thinking about honesty and truth a lot because I feel like I've been put into an awkward position. It's a position where I feel like I would be choosing between them. I feel like I would be drawing a line in the sand. I can't do that. It would take a lot for me to do that and I'm nowhere near that point. That's about as honest as I can be about the situation and I don't think Erin is very happy with that. I'm not ready to backpedal or make a decision just to make her happy. I've chosen to stay as impartial as I can and if that doesn't make her happy there isn't much I can do about that.

forever.

2009-07-08T04:24:04Z

Today has been a very strange day. I've done my best to stay motivated and get some things done but I haven't been doing a very good job of it. Our house is a mess, there is a sink full of dishes, a living room in a state of disarray and a bedroom just the same. The entire I've felt sort of catatonic to it all. So much to take care of and no idea what I should start with. I did manage to get a few things cleaned up and some stuff out of the living room.

I feel like we are slowly outgrowing our tiny little house. With no job and the idea of having to pay more to move into a place that would suit us I feel stuck here. I fear we'll slowly be buried under a mountain of our stuff. Or an earthquake will hit and our termite ridden cracker box will disintegrate into pile of sawdust.

I'm trying to keep on with Don Swan stuff. We need to launch the site. I need to print more shirts. I also need to work on some new designs. Onward and upward.

Maria's made it through his surgery okay. We spent the day at the hospital yesterday. Everything went well. I was glad to be there for moral support. I did my best to sort of hang back and let everyone deal with things as they wanted to. TO me surgery is a very serious thing and I don't need to be lousing things up by saying too much or acting the fool.

I spent a fair amount of time with marias sister and nephew Daniel. He was getting a little restless and rambunctious at certain times through the day. I found myself speaking up a bit. Not something Im prone to doing. I feel like he gets the run of things a lot of the time and there are times I think he needs to know that he's not acting appropriately. He was pretty good though. Trying to get a 7 year old to hang out for almost 10 hours or so at a hospital is quite a feat. Even the most well behaved kid is going to act up.

I was wrecked at the end of the day yesterday though. Getting up early and not eating a good meal all day made me feel pretty out of it.

parasites

2009-07-04T17:58:34Z

Let's see.

What's going on? Whats going on you say? I'm trying my best to type right now likee I learned back in high school. Hands on the proper keys and not looking at things. I never realized how often I look at the keyboard or at least want to look at the keyboard. It's mostly when I want to use the numbers. I tried typing in my password to livejournal without looking and had to retype it like 9 times. Maybe more. I used to be fairly good at typing without looking. I think these days after so many years of internet typing I have strange habits. Like compulsively back spacing.

I saw this text editor someone made a whle back that wouldn't let you backspace or edit what you typed. I assume it was more for novelty than to actually get things done. But I guess a lot of peoplpe made it a lot of years typing on typewriters. They were all getting high on white out though. I remember my mom bought an electric typewriter when I was a kid for her schooling. I loved to play with it. It was loud and had this awesome white out ribbon that made this loud mechanical ka chunk ka chunk chunk chunk chunk. when you erased a letter.

The 4th Today and Maria's mom's bday. We're heading over there to have a BBQ. I feel like we've been there like every weekend the last month or so. Nothing wrong with that primarily. For some reason I thought they consolidated 3 bdays into one party last weekend. Apparently I was wrong. There was a cake thing for Sophas bday this last week. Which I didn't go to. And now a thing this weekend. Oh well. More free barbecue. I can't pass that up.

We also hit up a barbecue in the hot hot heat last Sunday with Luke and his dad and Jay and Francisco and a few other people. It was a good time. It was super hot though. We kept cooler in the shade and just hung out for a while. Ate some ice cream from the palatera ladies and played apples to apples. By the end of the day we were pooped out from the heat.

OH! Me and Ben got to hang out for a night also. That was good fun. He bought a pile of booze to take back to Washington with him. We had a vodka taste test. Some were better than others. Mine was kind of harsh. We had some food and shot the shit about life and not working at the moment. I sort of feel like I've become far enough removed from being laid that I need to stop talking about it or just refer to myself as unemployed. Although I am working towards this t-shirt thing I feel like I can't get all bitter and talkl about getting laid off like it happened last week or something.

It was good to talk to him though. We sort of shared the same viewpoint on how we'd like our careers to go. That mainly being we want to enjoy what we do and not have it kill us at the end of the day. It was good fun and I look forward to his wedding.

As far as the t-shirt thing is going right now, I haven't printed for almost a month. We have been working on the website though. Made some good progress in that field this week. I feel okay not printing, even though we've got shirts, this week because I did some good work on the site. Things may change some more with the look of the site but I feel good knowing that I now have a little more knowledge on what I'm doing in wordpress.

Watched The Warriors and made homemade pizza last night with the Oceans of Fire. That was fun. Barbecued pizza is awesome. I think I win the award for roundest pizza, lol. We had a good time though. We were all crackin up laughin at the movie. It was better than the last one we watched over there. If you're going to have a movie night and be social about it try not to watch depressing movies like the story of Joy Division.

We need to get tickets and I need to talk to Ben about the wedding. and blah blah blah.

13fingers @ 2009-06-23T19:01:00

2009-06-24T02:10:30Z

I keep forgetting that we're going to be seeing Transformers tonight. It was sort of done on a whim. I'm curious to see it and I guess seeing the first showing in town will be pretty neat. There's something to be said about experiencing a movie with a group of people. Especially a movie like that.

I'm hoping to print again soon. David ordered some shirts and I've got the design done. I've not finished the site and we're talking about maybe doing an Etsy site for the time being. I'm dragging my feet and actually dreading having to figure out the code and stuff. All I want to do is the t-shirts. Why can't David just go sell them for. He needs to step things up and start slingin those shirts.

Isis was fun last night. I downed some drinks and had a fun time. Met up with Nick and Jocelyn there. They did a good show and it was fun seein em in a small place. Shit was fuckin loud. I snapped a few drunken pics of the band. I got nice and drunk and all was well.

I got myself a new chair today as well. The one I had was old and uncomfortable. I scored it at a secondhand store for like 2 bucks maybe 5 years ago. Its held up okay but the padding was going and was just generally not too comfy. So out with the old in the with new.

Might see Ben tomorrow. I guess he's on a road trip and he's down in Monterey tonight. It'll be good to see him and chit chat.

only been home a week and we're plannin to head back for Ben and Julias wedding. I think we're gonna spend like a week up there before the wedding just hanging. Maria's got some free time this summer and summer up in Wash. is splendid.

The long epic trip.

2009-06-18T04:59:26Z

I'm really going to try my best to recount my trip. It's been a friggin whirlwind and Recollection of certain parts might be spotty at best.

Thursday I bid San Jose farewell. Virginia was cool enough to give me a ride to the airport. Me and David and Ashley hit up sushi for dinner as soon as I got in and then back to their place to chill. Chilling turned into busting out mojitos and sitting around shooting the shit all night. We ended up very loaded and up till 3 in the morning. Things didn't bode well for the long night that Friday night was promising to be.

I woke up on Friday feelin the effects of our mojito Thursday. Me and David were able to rally and get supplies for the barbecue and grab some breakfast. I ended up hanging back and not drinking for the entire barbecue cause I feelin mighty low actuallly. It was crazy fun though. Got to see Kevin and Lindsay, Jake, and Nate and Lori, as well as Sean and his lady. Definitely a highlight cause I don't get to see those guys that often even when I'm up so spending some time with them was super awesome.

The barbecue gave way to Fanu show only a few blocks from here. I could probably write a whole entire post on this show. We all ended up down there at different times. I was honestly still feeling pretty horrible by the time we got down there. We walked into the club and I was sweating like a maniac. It was hot and I felt like I was going to keel over.

The show was at this Chinese restaurant on Aurora called Jade. It was pretty interesting. Chinese food in the front. DnB in the back. The place lived up to it's strange weird reputation. The food was taaastey and the drinks were strong. I ended up getting shit together at like midnight. Everyone decided to leave at like 12 or so. I almost jetted out with them but David convinced me to stay. I'm glad I did. Fanu was awesome. They spun some great dubstep at the end of the night and I got to meet a lot of people from the board that I only knew by screenname. Highlights of the night were getting to meet Fanu, hanging out in the parking lot, and watching the oldest looking chinese guy wandering around the club listening to drumfunk and then going outside and whipping out a HUGE bamboo pipe. OH...and David demanding titty money.

After the show the party went into the early early morning hours. We all were still up having some great laughs. There were some pretty epic pictures of money being thrown around and Sean imagining he was in Star Wars. Two thumbs up for this entire day and night.

It was hangover city on Saturday. We were able to get things together and have a sweet ass breakfast at Patty's. We were all a little hurtin but that didn't hurt the taste of the French toast with berries and devonshire cream.

The rest of the day was sort of a travel day. Me and Q hitched a ride back to Bham with Lori. It was pretty rad getting to talk with her for a few hours. Reminds me of the good old days we had back at the Ellis house. We stopped in Everett and Checked out their place. They were nice enough to give me an EmergenC and some water. I was hurting.

After we got back into town I cleaned myself up some and met up with my mom. It was a chill. I stuffed myself full of Syros and spent some time with my ma.

Sunday I was back into shenanigans. The day was spent with Q. We hit up Fiammaburger for a tastey treat. Then a trip to the Beaver. I always try to make it there when I'm up. We grabbed a Ceasar and drew in our sketchy books. It was good chill times. After a good while at the Beav, where I got to say hey to Don, we meandered down to Caps. Noone ever liked that place when I lived here. Now that I'm gone it's the place to be.

Me and Q waited patiently for people to show up. John and Chloe came on down after a while. That shit was fun. I have plans to be John Logans hype man if he ever decides to go into hip hop. Saw some funny ass karaoke, got drinks spilled on me, and ate some ghetto pizza. Apparently the guy at Pizza Time has beef with me thinking that Undertow is Tools best album.

For all the craziness of Sunday I felt decent on Monday. I had an awesome breakfast with Dane. We had a good talk and ate some tastey food. I brought Q some breaky cause she was hard at work. And for all the drinking we did that girl was up at 8 every mornin clackin away at the keyboard. I dont know how she does it.

After breakfast I spent the day on Qs couch and then met up with my sister. There was family time planned in Ferndale. We went out to Bob's B n B and met up with my pops, Carolann and the random Ferndale crowd.

We stayed at Bob's for a bit then made our way down to the pioneer bar for karaoke. I don't actually do it but my family was way into it. I was pretty tired though and I was trying to keep things together. But I was tired. The drinks were weak and the bar wasn't my scene. Natasha actually surprised me with her singing ability. So did my sister Susan. Granted it was karaoke singing BUT it didn't suck. After some drunk lady screeched her way through Ba-wit-da-ba. I took the opportunity to get a ride home with my dad.

Tuesday we had a BBQ planned at Nate and Jess's. Kate and Kerri came out too. I made my into town and since Q was stuck at her house working she asked me if I'd bring some lunch. I grabbed a sweet ass sandwich from Avenue bread. We hung out and then went to Caps really quick before the barbecue.

It was awesome seeing Jess and the baby. We snarfed some awesome food and shot the shit. I ended up stuffing myself so full. We drank some expensive port wine that Nate found in a car he salvaged at work and ate drumsticks.

Afterwards was a laid back jaunt to Rumors. Postal and Felix were spinning and we thought we'd check it out. There were cheap doubles and some good tunes. I got the shoot the shit with Postal and me and Q had a nice time there. We ended up jetting at 12 or so.

Wednesday. Wednesday was awesome. Jessica came over with baby Calliope and cooked us breakfast. She's the awesomest. I recall the olden days waking up after a long night and hanging out cooking eggs and bacon and toast with her and listening to modest mouse then getting stoned and whiling the day away. She recounted having the baby and stuff. It was a crazy story. Definite fun times.

Me and Q bummed around for a very long time. I can't quite remember what happened the rest of the day. We ended up waiting around till 6 or 7 and then made our way to the Grand. I had plans to meet up with Talia and Chris. Q had plans to meet up with Haley and Josh. Our meetings kind of collided together and we ended up picking up Nate and Jess and Dane and Mckenna along the way. I was sort of feeling out of it and had to try and do the rally thing once again. I had a red bull and about a million glasses of water.

There was some drama when we all tried to go to Boundary for the raggae night. Me and Chris didn't feel like going in and drinking beer so it was back to Rumors for some drinks. There was a drag show or something going in the main room so we just kinda kicked it in the side room. Everyone else came back. We all jaunted down to Caps and drank a few drinks. For some damn reason we ended up going up to the Alamo apartments with Dane, Meghan, Q, and this dude Dane went to school with.

There we were in this guys studio apartment the size of a matchbox listening to Ziggy Stardust (because he didn't have any fucking Clash), eating microwave popcorn, and listening to him talk about his trip to see the Dead at the Gorge. Interesting times. By that time I'd gotten my shit together and I was crazy drunk and rambling about old concerts and meeting Buzz and Maynard back in the day. Q was tired so we jetted. i was fucking ravenously hungry and wanting to go to the shoe. But I ended up eating an old english muffin and some crackers at Q's and calling it a night.

Thursday and Friday were both sort of chill nights. I had to give myself a rest after the week I had been having. I sat at Q's till whenever and then made my way back to my moms to do some laundry and hang out. I went to dinner that night with my family at Syros and called it an early night.

I got up on Friday and went into Western. They were doing the Senior Design Showcase. I message Kent and told him I might show up. I got up and got ready and went in. It was pretty interesting. It made me sort of feel like I'm out of the game being surrounded by all these hopeful kids. I got to see Kent and Cristina and Elsi. I really wish I could tell them how awesome I'm doing but all I could do is talk about layoffs and unemployment. They sort of shook their head and said that that was how it was going these days. I only stuck around an hour or so. You can only look at so many portfolios and talk about so much layoff stuff. I bid them well and went and saw Q downtown for a bit and then went home. I had some resting to do before Saturday.

Saturday was pretty much the main event. The big reason I was coming to town. To celebrate Danes Bday/Grad/leaving town. We started the day at Lake Padden with a family BBQ. My mom came since she's friends with Danes. A lot of people showed and we stuffed our faces and had a good time. There was awesome food and it was an awesome day out. Things only lasted about 2 hours and a lot of people were lost about what to do for the rest of the day.

We all sort of parted ways. Some went home. Some went to prepare for graduation, and others went to whatcom falls. I hung out with my mom for a while. We actually did sort of a whirlwind tour of whatcom County. We called Carolann up and saw what they were up to. I hadn't gotten to see Carolandrea since I'd been up. We went out to Ferndale and saw their new place and sat and talked for a while. Afterwards we went back into Bham to meet up with Q. Jess and her were down at Boulevard. So over towards Ferndale we went. Me and my mom ended up hanging out and talking some more while Jess and Q lounged around.

My mom and I were getting hungry so we parted ways with them to go get some Thai food. Just then we get a call from Danny, who I hadn't seen yet. We end up runnin over there to see him and Cindy and Lilly. We ate some food and I made some plans to print some shirts for him. I need to figure out how much to charge him. After a call from David who was super close I parted ways with my family and prepared for the long night ahead.

Me and David and Nate met up and got to Danes party where things were being set up. Drinking began and more and more people made their way over. I really wish I could recount the entire night. There was much talking and dancing and having of fun. Felix and Postal and David rocked the decks. They brought out a legit sound system and played some great tunes. I got to talk to a lot of people and I got to drink a good amount of booze and I got to have a grand time That day was probably the only I took any pics. I got some good ones though. Everyone had an awesome time. For some weird reason the night felt like it ended really fast. It's like I looked at my watch and it was 3:30 and the music was ending and people were leaving.

For once me and David were the ones to peace out before things really ended. Although we left at 4 and everyone was packing up and leaving and stuff it still felt weird to leave before everything was said and done. We made our way to Q's in a cab and crashed.

Sunday and Monday again were sort of chill recovery days. I booked my flight later on Monday because I didn't know if I'd end up stuck in Bham or if I could get a ride to Seattle. I ended up leaving on Sunday with David. After breakfast at Diamond Jim where one of the waitresses asked where I had been since she hadn't seen me in forever. I told her I'd moved but always liked to make a point to make it into D.J.s for a meal while I was in town.

We brought Q some food and made our way to Seattle. Sunday night was just about chillin. We played some board games. Ate some food and crashed. Monday I was at Davids watching the dog puke and sitting online. Me and David and Ashley got some Pyramid food before my plane and I was on my way. My trip was over and I was glad to be getting back home to my girl and my bed.

The whole trip was a whirlwind. I don't feel like I do it any justice by just throwing down a laundry of the events. I had an amazing time with my friends. It's sad to see Dane go. The next time we are in town he won't be there. Another friend scattered off into the wind. We're all growing up and doing things. We're having babies and getting careers, we're living our lives. I've been friends with all of these people almost 10 plus years. Some almost 15 years. It's weird to see where life if taking us. All I can hope is that when any of us reconvene from wherever we end up we can pick up where we left off or at the very least recall the great times we have had.

I still miss all my friends as much as the day I moved. I still think about them all the time and I think about the times when I can be with them again. It may be few and far between but I always know that when I see them it will be like I never left them. I might sound all weird and whistful. But dammit...I've got some really fucking awesome friends. And I like to think that no matter where we go or what we do we will always be friends. Not because we've just hoisted a bunch of beers together, or even taken drugs together, but because of those moments and all the other moments in between those, because of the people we are and because of the people we like to surround ourselves with. I'm lucky to have friends like the ones I have.

100 dollar bills

2009-06-04T17:17:20Z

I'm procrastinating. I should be packing. I should be doing dishes. Instead I'm listening to Keith and the Girl. I'm unshaven and shabby looking. I'm going to throw a pile of clothes into a bag and run off to Washington. I'll visit with family and probably eat some good food.I'm going to sleep on couches and beds that aren't my own and I'm going to see friends and family. I'm going to drink booze and listen to music. I'll have one too many and regret it. I'll probably smoke a cigarette or two and make some bad choices.

Am I looking forward to this? Yes. All of it? I think so. A lot of things have changed even in the few months since I've visited. I think those are the things that make me more sort of anxious. I'm going to take it all as it comes though and roll with it as best as I can. Babies have been born, relationship have ended and new people abound. I think the things that I have dreaded happening while I'm away are happening. The Bellingham I once knew is gone.

I'm really looking forward to seeing David play and seeing Fanu as well. I've not really talked to any of the people on sdnb board and I think this might be a time where I actually meet some of the board regulars face to face. I'm looking forward to Danes party as well. It'll be good to see Dane off. It makes me sad to think of how far away he'll be. Granted I've been gone for years now but when I'd go home Dane would be there. He'll be gone soon.

Packing time now. Dishes time now.

jigsaw jazz.

2009-05-26T06:01:38Z

Finally got to see a urologist. Surgery may be in my future. I'm not sure how likely that is. They basically sort of told stuff that I kind of all ready knew, but kind of told me in a more concrete way. I'm glad to hear I'm not dying really. I'm hoping that I don't have to have surgery. Cause...there's really only one way into the ureter. I'm thinking I might see about anothe CT scan and then going from there, since the CT scan that was being referenced was nearly six months old. Those are relatively painless. Other than having and IV put in and having to sit there and hold your breath for a few seconds while they pump you full of "contrast".

Also found out that I have an infection. I had an ingrown hair or something that was starting to get sort of large the day before the doctor. So I brought it up to them when I went in. They looked at it and said it was definitely infected. They gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. Come to find out they have some crazy side effects which I've been lucky enough to not be getting at the moment.

The weekend has been pretty lowkey. I had a horrendous headache yesterday. Which I think might have been partly due to these antibiotics. The brochure said that is one of the side effects. We had hoped to get some chores done but I spent most of the day on the couch watching crappy Sci Fi channel movies.

We went to Chevy's with Gabe and Virginia. We had this weird waitress. The last time we went there a few weeks ago I remember seeing her being trained. So she's fairly new. She wasn't necessarily a bad waitress just not very thorough with things. She took forever coming to take our order. When Gabe ordered a Hefeweizen, which he's gotten there before, she said it wasn't on the menu. She disappeared forever saying that she was going to find out if it was. Gabe finally just went to bar and got it himself. She made no other mention of the beer or if she had checked to see if it was available. When she took our orders we all set our menus on the edge of the table to let her collect them and she just sort of walked away, but grabbed them the next time she floated by. Then after 3 of us had finished and were sitting there waiting for a check or to get some plates cleared she comes by and says, "Let me get some stuff out of the way while you're eating. I hate it when I'm having a meal and stuff starts piling up." All I could sort of think was "yea. that would have been nice...10 minutes ago when I was eating"

I don't want to sound critical. All the basics of the meal were there. It was just that the timing was off or something. Some things took a little longer or were a little late. I guess a lot of people are used to a streamlined way of service. This seems like a person who probably didn't have a ton of experience with the whole multitasking and timing like a seasoned food service worker has. I ended up leaving her a few bucks for a tip.

Everything was pretty decent. Gabe was annoying me a bit with his "what if" questions. I realize he's doing them to make conversation but they can go on a bit after he poses a question and then when you answer he ups the stakes and ups the stakes and ups the stakes again and again. A question like "How long would you work at a job if they told you that you couldn't take pee breaks?" ends up becoming "Hold long would you work at a job if they told you you couldn't take pee breaks but you could pee in a jug that was a communal jug that they filtered and used for the drinking water in the cooler and they made you collect your urine at home to bring to work to add to the communal jug?" When it gets to that I usually just give up. I personally feel like at that point it's not so much a conversation or back and forth and more for noone but Gabes amusement. I could be wrong.

Maker Faire next weekend. I think I'm going to skip it this year. I'm not sure that I had a very good time last year. Seeing Adam Savage was pretty entertaining. But things were really crowded and distracting. I really enjoyed the first year we went and things were a little more laid back and less crowded. You could see the presentations and not have to muscle your way through a million people. I did score a pretty sweet shirt last year though. I've not really seen anything announced that I really want to take a look at anyway. So maybe I'll save the money.

I feel like a spoil sport because I'm sort of opting out of activities. I'm also skipping out on the whole "thriller dance" thing for Robin. I'm not much for coordinated dancing. And I don't quite feel up for hobbling around looking a fool.

I'm sort of dreading going to Bellingham for some reason. Things are going to be a lot different than I was there last. Still looking forward to family and friends and stuff. But from all the news I hear things are pretty disparate right now. People are all sort of off doing their own things. I feel like I'm speaking rather cryptically. I sort of feel like I'm going to be hopping around from person to person and not getting to see a lot of people all at once or at some grand event. Nate and Jess are off with a baby now. Q is rollin with a bit of a different group now. Not sure what Dane's doing these days. Chris has a new lady or something. I'll get to see David and Ashley down in Seattle. And hopefully Kevin and Lindsay. And maybe Ben and Julia.

So instead of being like "hey I'm in town lets all get together." I'm going to have to say "Hey, I'm around when can I come and visit for a little bit?" or something of that nature. It's like this continental drift is happening and everyone is sort of on their own continent. There's no more Pangaea. So now when I travel to my lovely homeland I'll also have to set sail for all these tiny little friend islands. It feels strange to have that idea in my head going in. It makes me want to just hang out in Seattle or Lynden and sidestep the whole mess all together. That would be dumb though. I want to see my friends.

13fingers @ 2009-05-25T12:59:00

2009-05-25T20:00:37Z

all the cool kids are hanging out at the laundromat these days. It's really fun. You go, do your laundry, hang out, shoot the shit, smoke cigarettes, and all that cool sort of stuff. It's great fun.

shoemans

2009-05-20T23:15:41Z

I've been rocking things in illustrator and photoshop the last few days. got some shirts and washed em and stuff. I want to print this week but we'll see how that all works out. if anything it will be this weekend. More experimentation will be needed. I think me and David might dive into the crazy world that is plastisol inks.

I finally am going to be able to see a urologist this week. I was also able to get on super poor people hospital coverage. Which is nice because I'm super poor and I need hospital coverage. It's good for a year I guess. Hopefully we'll be able to get to the bottom of all this kidney strangeness. Although I have basically nothing going in that area and haven't for a good while. I'm not taking that as things have gotten any better though. I'm a little scared to think of whats in store for me with the urologist. I really don't want him to stick anything in my wee. But I guess if he has to he has to. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I think we're headed to dinner tonight at Maria's parents. Wonder whats cooking...

hey you.

2009-05-12T23:28:06Z

I've been workin on a website for Don Swan today as well as doing some research about printing. We've only got a handful of things going on right now but I keep looking at differenthing that might make life easier down the road. I find myself discouraged easily when I start doing research for things like that. I know what I want to do and I like to imagine the perfect way to get it done. When I start poking around to see what might be out their that could help me find very hazy answers. What I'm looking for is a printer, that does wide format printing (17 inches wide I guess would be great) that can handle doing positive transparencies for use in silk screening. I've done some searching online and through some different t-shirt forums. I'm finding that the printers are out there but they seem to be all inkjet and I need to spend an arm and a leg on specialty film.

I've been rambling down to the print shop a few blocks away to print out 8.5 x 11 overhead transparencies and then doubling them up. That poses different problems though, You end up limited to size. You can try and put things together but they look tiled together when printed. Plus it's sort of annoying going to this place and bugging a guy for two copies. I could do it at Kinkos, but thats like a mile away and I'm too lazy to walk down there. I guess that sounds bad. But ideally it would be nice to not have to deal with the inconvenience of having to have someone else, or have to go somewhere else, to print. I want to be able to make my art however I make it and produce a film positive all in the same place and cut down on the overall time it takes to prep for print.

This is Tony bitching about random stuff.

My sister left yesterday. It was going to see her. She's just as crazy as ever. We had a good time together though. She didn't really cop any attitude or get really weird at all. I think it might have been that she was out of her element. Maria was noticing how A.D.D. she can be. It's as though my sister always "on" or needing to be doing something. If she wasn't calling someone, she was texting someone, if she wasn't texting someone she was wanting to check her facebook, if she wasn't checking her facebook she was trying like hell to find something to watch on TV. We didn't really anywhere. We had plans to go to the city and to Santa Cruz but we kinda got sidetracked with being lazy and sleeping in from long nights. Friday we drank a margaritas and invited everybody out to Aqui. Saturday was sort of lazy. We got up late. Ate food late. Had some coffee late and hung out. Went out with Jay and other peepz on Friday night.

Shook off the hungoverness of the day and got loaded once again. We had some crazy laughs the enitre night an stayed up till almost 5 watching youtube clips and recreating scenes from Grease. SUnday was laaaaaaazy. We ended up only mustering ourselves together to go to a Mothers Day barbecue. Maria's fam was curious to meet my sister. We had a good time there. Maria had to lay down the law with Daniel when he started being bratty. Monday was another lazy day. I was actually up and at em to go to Santa Cruz. But everyone else seemed to be dragging their feet. In the end we hung out here again cause we would have ended up spending more time driving to Santa Cruz, then back to Oakland to get my sister to her place then we would have spent in Santa Cruz. We took my sisters to the Garrett for pizza instead.

It was good though. We all had fun. And while it would have been nice to take my sister to the city or something. I really only would have wanted to if I knew my sister was waaaay into doing those sorts of things. I think she was fine just hangin here.

13fingers @ 2009-05-07T10:05:00

2009-05-07T17:14:52Z

Went to bed at 4 last night. And I'm up at 10. I couldn't sleep anymore. Went to Justin's show last nightat the Blank Club. Had a nice time. I prefunked with some Gin and Juice beforehand and then had a few gin and sodas at the show. Justin did a good job. We had a fine time chattin it up with a few people. Talked to this guy Eric, who hopefully might give me the lowdown on some flyer design work. Maybe. Maybe not. I was going to talk with him more after Justins set but he sort of disappeared into the fog. I messaged him on Facebook and he sent me back and short message. I sent him something back. Hopefully he gets back to me. I told him I'm willing and I have nothing but time.

My sister is going to be here tomorrow. Looking forward to that. I usually don't worry about how to keep my sister entertained. I think I sort of was when she first said she was going to come visit. But now I'm not too bad. We've got some plans on Friday night. Maria invited a bunch of people out to Aqui to meet her. I think we might hit up the winchester mystery house. There's the possibility of Santa Cruz. There's also some Mothers Day sort of thing going down. I hope she doesn't mind that. She'll have a chance to meet Maria's family.

knees.

2009-05-01T17:28:50Z

What is it with me? Do you ever let your brain get so worked up about something so miniscule or insignificant that you're screaming inside and you want to put your head through a window? There's an old episode of Seinfeld that illustrates what I'm talking about so well. In the episode George Costanza goes to meet with a psychiatrist. When he arrives he goes to take off his coat only to find out that the zipper is stuck and he can't take it off. He struggles with it and gets very flustered. After a bit the psychiatrist calms him down and tries to get him to focus on the meeting. He tries, but seconds later he's rippng at his coat trying in vain to get that zipper down. There is a cut to another scene and when they come both George and the psychiatrist are screaming and wrenching at the zipper to no avail. In the end they don't get it.

The whole thing about that is, is it's just a zipper. I often find myself getting so worked up in my brain about things. It's almost obsessive compulsiveness. I get to a point where every bit of my brain is almost screaming because I have no power over things. I've had this happend with children at times. Usually a kid who isn't mine will be up to something that they might get hurt with. I might make a small comment for them to be careful or something. They might remark as snidely as a small child can, something like, "you're no the boss of me" and it's that coupling of snarkiness with the fact that they might hurt themselves by what they are doing that makes me want to scream out. It's a lack of control. It's me freaking out inside not wanting this kid to get hurt and this kid not listening to me. So it goes beyond the Costanza situation. It starts to be about how someone heeds my advice or input.

An example is knives. Our good knives. I take good care of them. I cut on wooden or plastic surfaces, because I want them to stay sharp. I wash them and dry them and put them into holder as soon as I'm' done. Now sometimes Maria will cook or prepare food. And I've asked that she do the same and she won't sometimes. She's been better about it now. But I'll sit there and I'll hear her cutting on a glass plate, or using a sharp slicing knife to cut through a block of cheese. It makes me want to die inside, it make my brain ask, "don't you care? how come noone cares like me? why doesn't anyone pay attention like me?" I'd be saying the same things if it were anyone else. I feel like if I say something I'll be met with opposition or at the very least a snarky response about me being so picky. I feel like a freak because I care so much about some things pretty trivial and that other people don't care as much. And it's another one of those things that makes me scream inside.

It feels lke a slap in the face to me. It's as though someone is saying that they don't take into consideration my values or my knowledge. It's as though they are tossing aside any sort of insight I might have, and can't be bothered by what I have to say. It's never the person who is doing it though, it's what they are doing and the response that they give me if I say anything. I'm sure I've probably driven someone just as crazy so I'm not going to get all high and mighty about anything.

I'm like that guy on Big Bang Theory. Sheldon. Not to a weird neurotic freakiness though. You could say that I'm particular about things or obsessive about things. But it goes beyond just wanting to have things the way I want them. It's more about people treat the things the way I want them. I'm sure everyone is particular about certain parts of their life. And I'd like to think they'd be able to relate to what I'm talking about when I talk about having someone not acknowledge or make light of what you think. It's not a good feeling. It make me want to die...

I wonder how often I do that to other people. I feel like I'm pretty respectful with the way people do things. I feel like I'm pretty respectful with making sure I follow through with how someone wants something done.

13fingers @ 2009-04-30T09:59:00

2009-04-30T17:06:15Z

let us see here shall we.

I haven't printed for a bit. I've been working on a few idears though. I'm working on some sketches for an art print. Some weird little gadgets that I've drawn before but I'm exploring again. I'm having a time with it. I still need to get the shirts to David. I also did a logo up for his blog last night. So I'm keeping busy sort of. I feel like I've lost a little momentum. I'm hoping when David gets the shirts he'll want to order a few more shirts and do a reprint soon. Pretty sure he'll want to. Maybe I'll see if he wants to order shirts again anyhow.

My sisters coming to visit. The first family member that's come to visit me in 3 years. It should be a fun time. We're going to do our best to show her a good time. She'll get to see how we're living. In our little cracker box of a house. I have been a little worried about what we're going to do to keep her entertained. I do that all the time though. We'll find something. If anything we'll grab some booze and have a time.